8325 Ventnor Road
Lake Shore, Maryland 21122
410-255-3677
Preparing for the Sacrament of Matrimony
General Background
An old adage warns that "he who fails to prepare, prepares to fail." Most people heed this warning when it comes to pursuits like a career or a major athletic event. But surprisingly few prepare for what is arguably the most important pursuit of all--a successful marriage.
With the risk for divorce in the United States hovering around 50%, it's startling that not many people take marriage preparation more seriously. Many couples, in fact, never discuss the most important issues before they get married, such as expectations about children and child-rearing, beliefs about male-female roles, and ideas about how they'll handle conflict. Marriage can be one of life's sweetest ventures, but it is also one of the riskiest.
Common Problem Areas
Many young couples' expectations of marriage revolve around the false belief that love will get them through rough times. While love is important, it won't be enough if couples don't have the basic attitudes and skills they need for a successful marriage. Lasting marriages require partners who respect one another, who have gained knowledge about what makes marriage work, and who have developed skills that will enhance the relationship.
Most couples face their most serious challenges during the first five years of marriage. Researchers found that among couples married less than five years, the top ten problem areas are:
Through conscientious marriage preparation, many of these issues can be discussed and plans can be made to handle them so they don't become toxic to an early marriage.
What Is Marriage Preparation?
Marriage preparation is training through courses, seminars, or counseling that prepares couples for a successful marriage. Training often focuses on developing skills such as communication, handling conflict, solving problems, and making decisions. It might also include help in developing the knowledge, attitudes, expectations, and characteristics that are important to creating a satisfying relationship.
An important purpose of marriage preparation is to help each partner assess his or her personal readiness for marriage. It can also help couples become aware of the assets and liabilities of their relationship, which are important factors in deciding who and when to marry. As they evaluate these factors, couples have a chance to slow things down and think seriously about their relationship. In other words, premarital education allows couples to plan their marriage rather than just a wedding.
Goals of marriage preparation often include developing skills in the following areas: communication, friendship, commitment to the relationship, intimacy, and problem solving. Instruction usually includes applying these skills to such issues as family of origin and individual backgrounds, conflict resolution, finances, leisure and recreational interests, role expectations, couple interaction patterns, sexuality and affection, fun and friendship, expectations about children and parenting, decision-making, education/career goals, religious or spiritual values and expectations, and plans for the wedding.
The Benefits of Preparation
Couples tend to get wrapped up in romance and passion. Marriage preparation programs can help them slow down, think, and approach their relationship in a more considered, thoughtful way. Preparation programs compel couples to take the time to talk about their future marriage relationship and, if needed, delay the wedding until concerns are addressed.
Researchers found that people who participate in a premarital program experience a 30% increase in marital outcome success than those who don't participate. Most marriage preparation programs are effective in helping couples communicate better, improve their conflict-management skills, and gain a higher quality relationship overall. These benefits appear to hold for six months to three years after the program is over – at which time it is recommended that couples take a "marriage enrichment" program such as "Marriage Encounter." These benefits also extend to couples who enter marriage with greater risks, such as coming from homes where parents had divorced or had high levels of conflict.
For couples rushing into marriage, marriage preparation can be especially beneficial. The lack of time knowing one another compounds the need for some thoughtful deliberation about their union. For such couples, a time where they are encouraged to be reflective might slow them in their rush to marriage that otherwise puts them at increased risk.
Marriage preparation also benefits the community. When the Church encourages premarital education, it is showing that the Church community cares about marriage and wants each marriage to succeed.
Participating in premarital education is both fun and informative. People learn many things about their potential spouse that they never even thought to consider. They often have eye-opening experiences that can be both enlightening and humorous. Discussing topics like household chores, in-laws, employment, and sexual relations helps couples identify one another's expectations. It also helps couples discover areas of disagreement before they get married. Sometimes these discussions uncover information that a future spouse is involved in behavior that will be destructive to the marriage relationship – critical information to know before marriage.
MARRIAGE PREPARATION:
Catholic Church Requirements
Congratulations on your decision to get married!
The vocation of marriage is a great adventure, through which you will establish a new family, grow in love with each other, and encounter Christ.
The best way to get your marriage off on the right foot is to be an open and active participant in your marriage preparation process. During the course of the marriage preparation process, you will receive:
The Good News of God's love, to help you live your vocation of marriage.
Some basic principles of Catholic beliefs about marriage and family life.
Advice and practical assistance for your daily lives together.
The witness of married couples about how the sacrament of marriage is lived in their lives.
Engaged couples have the option of choosing a marriage preparation program from a variety of programs that will help you learn how to better live God’s plan for your marriage. This web page will guide you through the marriage preparation process, and help you lay a firm foundation for your married life.
Please be assured of our prayers for your happiness. We ask God for his blessing upon you, that you may truly be partners in life and love.
Here is an outline of the steps you will take in preparing for your marriage:
1. Start by meeting with the priest or deacon who will be celebrating your marriage.
As soon as you get engaged, you should meet with the priest or deacon who will be witnessing your marriage. Usually this is a priest/deacon at the parish in which one of you lives.
The priest/deacon will be able to give you an idea of the marriage preparation process in general, as well as any specific requirements that may be unique to your particular situation. For example, there may be a question of a prior marriage, a difference in religious faith (e.g., a Catholic marrying a Christian or a Catholic marrying a non-Christian), or other issues.
The priest/deacon will also do a “Pre-Marital Interview” to make sure that all the Canon Law requirements for marriage will be satisfied.
Your priest/deacon will be able to advise you of the documents you will need. For example, you will need to get a certificate of baptism that is dated within six months of your wedding.
You will have a chance to discuss the different marriage preparation programs that are available to you, and get a sense of which one is best suited to your needs and interests.
You will be able to set a date for your wedding that is mutually convenient. Please don’t make firm commitments to catering halls, etc., before setting a date with the priest/deacon who will be witnessing your marriage--otherwise, you may find out that the church or the priest/deacon is not available that day, and you’ll have to make new arrangements for your reception.
It’s important to have this meeting far enough in advance of your wedding, in order to have sufficient time to deal with any particular concerns, obtain the necessary documents, and attend the marriage preparation program of your choice. This is usually 12-6 months before the marriage date.
2. Attend a marriage preparation program.
You are required to attend a marriage preparation program (often called “Pre-Cana").
You’ll receive a certificate of completion at the end of your program. You will have to give this certificate to the priest/deacon.
You should register for your marriage preparation program as soon as possible, and attend classes three to six months before your wedding. This way, you will avoid the hectic time right before your wedding, and you’ll get more out of the classes.
3. Follow-up meetings with your priest or deacon.
Once you’ve attended the marriage preparation program, you may have further meetings with the priest/deacon who will be witnessing your marriage.
These meetings may involve planning your wedding liturgy, reviewing your experience at the marriage preparation program or the results of your FOCCUS instrument, and addressing any particular needs you may have. The priest/deacon will also do a final review to make sure that all the Canon Law requirements for marriage have been satisfied.
If you have any questions about this process, please don't hesitate to call us at 410-255-3677.
What programs are available?
We offer several programs to help you lay a good foundation for your married life. You are required to attend one of these programs.
This program (often called "Pre-Cana") is offered by Our Lady of the Chesapeake. It involves one-on-one meetings with the Deacon-Pastoral Associate that covers various topics of married life.
The other program offered by Our Lady of the Chesapeake is the "Sponsor Couple Program" where you will meet with a married couple and discuss areas of married life as experienced by that couple.
We recommend scheduling attendance at these programs at least three to six months prior to your wedding date.
Engaged Encounter Weekend – Visit their website for more information, cost, and schedule.
Archdiocese of Baltimore – You may also attend any Marriage Preparation Program offered by and through the Archdiocese of Baltimore.